'SHOW ME TIGERS' GOT IT DONE...
Hats off to incoming SEC member Missouri Tigers. We know you are not an official member of the SEC but you did two things well last night: (1) You beat UNC and made them look like soft the pansies they are, and (2) No less will ever be expected by an SEC team n any game not against an SEC team. All in all it was an impressive beginning for new comer Missouri.
I'm not sure Commissioner Slive gives you an official book of do's and do nots as a new member. I'm sure you guys get something from his talking about academics, sportsmanship, and the purpose of amateur athletics. Those things are very important (wink, wink, chuckle chuckle). What I'm talking about the manual all new fans and players in the SEC and the things you need to know:
WHAT YOU NEED TO REALLY KNOW AS A NEW TEAM IN THE SEC
1. No one here wants you here and we are slow up warm up but we'll come around;
2. Never lose to a non-SEC school. This would include the St. Louis Rams;
3. You need to buy about 20,000 RV's right now. Time is limited until next season;
4. You can cheer openly against your arch-rival in the SEC and Auburn or Florida;
5. Not once in the history of your upcoming SEC existence can you pull for a Big 12 school ever again. They are all pansies including Boone Pickens' team. On top of that
All Big 12 teams are located in flat states without mountains. You have the Ozarks and I'll give you that. The Hill Country of Texas is basically flat and they don't count.
6. We need a written admission the St. Louis Arch should have been built like football uprights. You should build on on the other side of the River to match.
7. You will now become close friends with NCAA who will accuse you of everything from marrying your cousin as an inducement for a player to sign with your school and buying cars for recruits. (trucks are not considered cars) Expressing your thanks to a a Missouri player with a handshakes when some way a hundred dollar got stuck in your palm after getting change at the concession stand at half time after buying a soda is considered a violation. We consider that courtesy which is very important in the South. You can violate those rules because the NCAA has already ruled a father can sell his son to a school to play football for you with absolutely no penalty, and you still get go bowling like Ohio State will despite having no control over your Athletic programs. As an aside never let your school president have actual control over anything athletic. Sorry, as if I needed to actually tell you that.
9. If the Tigers win a National Championship in Basketball every newspaper in the SEC will have a story about the win on page four right after football recruiting updates.
10. I don't know your coach but he needs about a two million dollar raise to avoid feelings of insecurity when the next coaches meeting occurs in 2012.
11. Do not, I repeat do not, expect to buy any beer in a regular season SEC football games. This is immoral, an insult to God and the Church of Christ. Besides, ushers will hand you a bottle of bourbon at no cost when entering the game.
12. Every other school in the NCAA is for sissy boys and girls who think they can kick extra points, or some other mealy mouthed belief that women are really equal.
13. The second string quarterback on the bench is always better the starter at every school. This is always a point of controversy in the SEC except for Auburn. Then there are two quarterbacks on the bench better than you starter.
14. Don't expect to have a winning season in the SEC for about a real long time.
15. I'd start some type of vicious rumor that A&M paid 25 million to get in the SEC so you won't be the runt of the litter.
These rules are not inclusive. For example don't poison any trees. Don't even poison weeds in your backyard. Poison is a serious issue around these parts. Dry BBQ is not officially recognized as food at any SEC school. Memphis doesn't count. It is not an option to leave your hat off when passing a statue photograph, or any likeness of Bear Bryant, Elvis Presley or Jesus Christ. No Exceptions. Every Co-ed from any SEC
is still a virgin. (wink, wink, chuckle, chuckle unless your daughter is a SEC student) Follow these simple rules and you will okay. Heck, one century you may even be accepted as an SEC school. Ask Arkansas and South Carolina who are still waiting. Football is not a way of life in the SEC. Football is more important than life its own self in the SEC. Tailgating does not involve wine of any kind. Pork is important. Cheese is something you cut and do not eat. Always smile talk politely to any other fan of an SEC you are playing that but do curse him until after you pass each other. And most important, remember we are all in this together as long as you acknowledge that Alabama, LSU, or Florida are the only schools that God has ordained to win the SEC Title. God still has Georgia and Tennessee on some type of probation right now for obvious reasons. Welcome to the SEC.
Wait, I almost forgot the most important advice of all. NEVER get married in football season, it will only hurt you new virgin bride's feeling when no one comes to the wedding including blood relatives. Of course I'm no expert on wedding behavior, but i still don't think the minister and grooms should have their I Phones turned on during the actual wedding ceremony. Of course, TV's will be provided at the reception should you be foolish enough to get married during the season. A strong pre nuptial agreement is a good idea, it cuts down on the bickering about who gets the season football tickets in a divorce action.
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| QB James Franklin looked pretty SEC to me |
I'm not sure Commissioner Slive gives you an official book of do's and do nots as a new member. I'm sure you guys get something from his talking about academics, sportsmanship, and the purpose of amateur athletics. Those things are very important (wink, wink, chuckle chuckle). What I'm talking about the manual all new fans and players in the SEC and the things you need to know:
WHAT YOU NEED TO REALLY KNOW AS A NEW TEAM IN THE SEC
1. No one here wants you here and we are slow up warm up but we'll come around;
2. Never lose to a non-SEC school. This would include the St. Louis Rams;
3. You need to buy about 20,000 RV's right now. Time is limited until next season;
4. You can cheer openly against your arch-rival in the SEC and Auburn or Florida;
5. Not once in the history of your upcoming SEC existence can you pull for a Big 12 school ever again. They are all pansies including Boone Pickens' team. On top of that
All Big 12 teams are located in flat states without mountains. You have the Ozarks and I'll give you that. The Hill Country of Texas is basically flat and they don't count.
6. We need a written admission the St. Louis Arch should have been built like football uprights. You should build on on the other side of the River to match.
7. You will now become close friends with NCAA who will accuse you of everything from marrying your cousin as an inducement for a player to sign with your school and buying cars for recruits. (trucks are not considered cars) Expressing your thanks to a a Missouri player with a handshakes when some way a hundred dollar got stuck in your palm after getting change at the concession stand at half time after buying a soda is considered a violation. We consider that courtesy which is very important in the South. You can violate those rules because the NCAA has already ruled a father can sell his son to a school to play football for you with absolutely no penalty, and you still get go bowling like Ohio State will despite having no control over your Athletic programs. As an aside never let your school president have actual control over anything athletic. Sorry, as if I needed to actually tell you that.
9. If the Tigers win a National Championship in Basketball every newspaper in the SEC will have a story about the win on page four right after football recruiting updates.
10. I don't know your coach but he needs about a two million dollar raise to avoid feelings of insecurity when the next coaches meeting occurs in 2012.
11. Do not, I repeat do not, expect to buy any beer in a regular season SEC football games. This is immoral, an insult to God and the Church of Christ. Besides, ushers will hand you a bottle of bourbon at no cost when entering the game.
12. Every other school in the NCAA is for sissy boys and girls who think they can kick extra points, or some other mealy mouthed belief that women are really equal.
13. The second string quarterback on the bench is always better the starter at every school. This is always a point of controversy in the SEC except for Auburn. Then there are two quarterbacks on the bench better than you starter.
14. Don't expect to have a winning season in the SEC for about a real long time.
15. I'd start some type of vicious rumor that A&M paid 25 million to get in the SEC so you won't be the runt of the litter.
These rules are not inclusive. For example don't poison any trees. Don't even poison weeds in your backyard. Poison is a serious issue around these parts. Dry BBQ is not officially recognized as food at any SEC school. Memphis doesn't count. It is not an option to leave your hat off when passing a statue photograph, or any likeness of Bear Bryant, Elvis Presley or Jesus Christ. No Exceptions. Every Co-ed from any SEC
is still a virgin. (wink, wink, chuckle, chuckle unless your daughter is a SEC student) Follow these simple rules and you will okay. Heck, one century you may even be accepted as an SEC school. Ask Arkansas and South Carolina who are still waiting. Football is not a way of life in the SEC. Football is more important than life its own self in the SEC. Tailgating does not involve wine of any kind. Pork is important. Cheese is something you cut and do not eat. Always smile talk politely to any other fan of an SEC you are playing that but do curse him until after you pass each other. And most important, remember we are all in this together as long as you acknowledge that Alabama, LSU, or Florida are the only schools that God has ordained to win the SEC Title. God still has Georgia and Tennessee on some type of probation right now for obvious reasons. Welcome to the SEC.
Wait, I almost forgot the most important advice of all. NEVER get married in football season, it will only hurt you new virgin bride's feeling when no one comes to the wedding including blood relatives. Of course I'm no expert on wedding behavior, but i still don't think the minister and grooms should have their I Phones turned on during the actual wedding ceremony. Of course, TV's will be provided at the reception should you be foolish enough to get married during the season. A strong pre nuptial agreement is a good idea, it cuts down on the bickering about who gets the season football tickets in a divorce action.
Back to Tiderinsider
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